![]() ![]() The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry. “They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. Of course, I’m the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.” – George (Photo: Sony Pictures Television) We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.” – Kramer “Hey! What’s the deal with decaf? How do they get the caffeine out of there and then where does it go?” – Jeannie “That’s the bra I gave her, she’s wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. “I’ll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is: if you’re going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.” – Jerry “You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them not me if it’s anybody, it’s me.” – George “What am I scared of? I’m scared of the same thing that you are, everything.” – George “How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out?” – Jerry “Can you die from an odour? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odour?” – Elaine (Photo: Sony Pictures Television) What do you need it for after you read it?” – Jerry “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses-like they’re trophies. “Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?” – George Kramer, on cultural differences: “See, here, you’re just another apple, but in Japan, you’re an exotic fruit. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.” – George ![]() “I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note-it’s common courtesy. “Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?” – Jerry Kramer, on male self-pleasure: “We have to do it. “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.” – Jerry ![]() ![]() Well, now you know how I feel.” (Photo: Sony Pictures Television) Jerry: “This isn’t a good time.” Telemarketer: “When would be a good time to call back, sir?” Jerry: “I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?” Telemarketer: “Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.” Jerry: “Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home. Do you have a job?” George: “No.” Kramer: “You got money?” George: “No.” Kramer: “Do you have any action at all?” George: “No.” Kramer: “Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?” George: “I like to get the Daily News.” I’m living my life.” Kramer: “OK, like what? No, tell me. Kramer: “You’re wasting your life.” George: “I am not. Every instinct I have, in every walk of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… it’s all been wrong.” – George My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life has been wrong. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but… I was perceptive. “Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. “Moles - freckles’ ugly cousin.” – Kramer I guess the blind people don’t like being associated with all those losers.” (Photo: Sony Pictures Television) The blind date.” Jerry: “They call it a ‘setup’, now. George: “I gotta call Elaine.” Jerry: “She’s out.” George: “Oh, yeah. Jerry, on public displays of affection: “People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.” The four worst words in the English language.” George: “That or ‘Whose bra is this?’” Jerry: “That’s worse.” She says, ‘We have to talk.’” Jerry: “Ugh. Jerry, on bad food choices: “Salad! What was I thinking? Women don’t respect salad eaters.” George: “You’re gonna over-dry your laundry.” Jerry: “You can’t over-dry.” George: “Why not?” Jerry: “Same reason you can’t over-wet.” You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.” – Kramer “You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. You can’t do it in one push you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” – Jerry (Photo: Sony Pictures Television) “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. George, on women wanting ‘bad boys’: “Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?” George: “Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?” Jerry: “Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.” Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.” – George You can’t hear a word she’s saying! You’re always going ‘excuse me?’, ‘what was that?'” – Jerry ![]()
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